Lately I’ve been thinking about the deeper meanings behind the tests I am put through by Allah ﷻ. We’re all tested in different ways, based on how much we can handle, what our capacity for pain is, and how strong our will to change can be.
How trusting am I in the wisdom of Allah ﷻ? Do I have an unyielding and unbreakable amount of tawakkul in Him?
That depends on how I react and respond when I am tested. Do I ask myself:
“Why is this happening to me?”
“What is this teaching me?”
That is the meaning of تفكر. To reflect on ourselves in relation to Allah ﷻ, this world, and the next.
Basically, تفكر is therapy.
For one hour every single week, I sit and discuss with my spiritual, emotional, and mental guide who helps me come to understandings about myself I would have never even known before. Why I am the way I am, the decisions I make, and the thoughts I think – in the context of what Allah ﷻ and His Prophet ﷺ love.
I am striving with صدق to attach my قلب forever to my Rabb, my trying to become a better version of myself each and every day.
In our last class with shaykhuna, he went over some of the Hikam of Ibn ‘Ata Allah, in his Book of Wisdoms. The first one was just so:
متى أعطاك أشهدك بره
و متى منعك أشهدك قهره
فهو في كل ذلك متعرف عليك
و مقبل بوجود لطفه عليك
When He gives you, He makes you witness his righteousness. When He withholds from you, He makes you witness His overwhelmingness. In all that, He is enabling you to know Him. And Known through the existence of His gentleness with you.
Every single thing happens for a reason. By His majesty and wisdom and might. Nothing happens by coincidence. If I feel incredible amounts of pain in my heart, there is purpose to it. If I’m happy and elated beyond belief, there is purpose to it. If I’m sad and crying and down, there is purpose to it.
He is enabling me to know Him. Because to know yourself is to know Allah ﷻ, and to know Allah ﷻ is to know yourself. That is the beginning of the path to the end.
Whoever knows His Rabb doesn’t differentiate between what is given and withheld. I feel pain when I’m withheld from, because of my luck of comprehension and understanding of what Allah ﷻ is telling me through this experience. All that happens is that I become obsessed with the pain I continuously feel, and all I want to do is get rid of it. Any way, any how. Just take the pain away.
But if I see beyond the pain, and I try to read with the spiritual sight of my soul and heart, not the physical sight of my eyes – what am I being told?
Allah ﷻ could be protecting me from so many things, such as my indulgence in this dunya. He saves us in unanticipated ways. You think a thing is good for you, when it may be bad for you, and you think a thing is bad for you, when it may be good for you. We don’t understand, because we don’t have the spiritual maturity to understand.
ربما فتح لك باب الطاعة و ما فتح لك باب القبول، ربما قضى عليك بالذنب فكان سببا في الوصول
And so I sin. And sin. And sin.
But that is a reason for arriving closer to Allah ﷻ. Because sins bring about deep, internal feelings of humiliation and lowliness – and then brings out the external response – repentance.
نعمتان ما خرج موجود عنهما و لا بد لكل مكوّن منهما: نعمة الإيجاد و نعمة الإمداد
We were created by our Rabb into being from nothingness. And now we exist, by His mercy and grace. He grants us the provision by which we continue to be, because nothing is independent by itself except for Allah ﷻ.
We rely on Him. We fear Him. We love Him. We trust Him. He is the source of life, the source of everything. Without Him, we are nothing.