Introspection

The worth of a human being is shown through their akhlaq, their character. And one’s character is something they earn – thereby a reflection of their Deen, and tawheed of Allah ﷻ. The best of those are the ones with the best akhlaq.

So I ask myself, how is my akhlaq? How is my tawheed with Allah ﷻ? What is my worth?

Am I fulfilling the trust and gift that He has graciously and kindly and generously bestowed upon me – of being his khalifah?

Do I represent my Rabb and His attributes in the best, most beautiful, and yet humanly way possible? Am I kind to every, single person I meet? Do I watch over my Salah like I am supposed to? Do I treat my parents in the best manner? Do I seek the Divine, sincerely?

My Rabb is and has always been. What He is and His attributes are constantly reflected into this world, and therefore one representing Him, should represent His attributes. He is Al-Raheem, Al-Kareem, Al-Lateef, Al-Jabbar. Endlessly merciful. Infinitely generous. Astoundingly kind. The One who fixes broken hearts. The One who has fixed my broken heart time, after time, after time. Even after I disobeyed Him, was ungrateful, was arrogant, was unworthy. He remained. Infinite.

So I ask myself, again: Am I my Rabb’s khalifah? Am I worthy of that title? Am I raheemah, kareemah, lateefah, jabbarah?

Am I of the most beloved and honored creatures in His realm, like his Rasool (saw)? The closest to the Prophet ﷺ represented him in the best way.

Am I the most perfect and beautiful representation of the Divine and His attributes on earth?

—–

Verily, Allah ﷻ is beautiful, and He loves beauty. I look inside and see the tag on my body that says “Made by Allah ﷻ.” My heart, mind, body, and soul are an amaanah. They belong to my Rabb, not me.

And yet, even though I know this fact and I acknowledge it, as I look inside myself, I realize that sometimes, I don’t want to change. But if I never acknowledge what I am, I will never change. I will never become beautiful. I will never be what Allah ﷻ loves.

I must have the will to change.

I must admit who I am inside.

I must know I need to change.

I must remove the filth inside.

I must fill myself with His love, His beauty, His light. If light is the means by which we see, I will never be able to see through the window through which I peer – without His Noor.

Then, and only then, will I become great. Only by Him, ‘Azza wa Jall.

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